Journal Entry: Fri Dec 9, 2016, 1:57 AM
Kind of now have an explanation for why I felt so off kilter earlier. Spent tonight as one of my manic nights, which, fine, I haven't had one for a spell, guess I was due.
Not entirely happy on my artistic output as of late, if you can even call my pitiful scribblings and recent recolors "output." I'm not seeking the "you're such a great artist" compliments, I'm simply stating the fact that what I DID do wasn't my best work... wait, no, that isn't it, either... I don't feel like I put too much soul into them. I had to bargain with myself to do it, and when that didn't work, resort to outright threats. Fearing me kicking my own ass, (not only am I tough as Hell, that'd look utterly ridiculous), I managed to do some stuff, I suppose what leaves me unsatisfied is, more or less, the lack of passion I pursued it with. I never remember art being a chore or one more obligation in my day.
Yes, I say all of this bullshit with the understanding this probably has zilch to do with me not enjoying art, but maybe an art block I'm forcing myself through, brutally when necessary, or just a good old fashioned bout of my low energy depression that manifests in a terminal case of the Fuck Its. Could also simply be I have so many other things in life, such as work, holiday shopping, etc., that I don't have that much zest left over to apply to one more thing. By no means do I hate artwork, it comes down to the fact it concerns me that I do kind of view it as one more thing I need to do before I go to bed... which is funny, since I'm having a manic episode. I mean that in a cosmic sort of way, not so much "funny ha ha."
I'll be honest with you, being the punchline of the cosmic joke ain't as bad as you'd think.
Suppose there isn't too much more left to do besides hop into the shower, if only for the Hell of it. I mean, hey... what am I doing?
God love you, I do. Get some sleep.
Listening to: Land Of A Million Drums - Outkast
Reading: The Last Days of The Inca - Kim MacQuarrie
Watching: Gravity Falls Season One
Eating: Paint Chips
Drinking: High Quality H2O