Okay, so my back is unhappy, which I think is due to the pressure changes because we had thunderstorms today in my area.  My back often acts up when this happens, so I kind of anticipated it today and came a little prepared by having my Ibuprofin on hand and an ice pack in the freezer, which I don't know if I need or not, the pain isn't THAT intense.

Maybe I should do it anyway, just to prevent further flaring.  And plus, if it makes me feel good, makes me feel better, and it's NOT hurting me, why the heck shouldn't I do it?

But back to the rain; I love the rain --  the smell of it, the feel of it, the sound of it...  I LOVE a nice rainy day.  (I'd do well to move to Forks.  Maybe I'll meet a nice vampire while I'm there.)  So even though my back doesn't particularly care for wet weather, the rest of me enjoys it.  My back can just shut up and be quiet.

Which I'm making it do mentally.  I've come to a conclusion that I stir me up mentally whenever this happens; it starts as a little twinge and I blow it out of proportion and completely lose the reigns and have to hold onto the saddle for dear life and pray my steed doesn't buck me off.  And that's stressful.  Why make stress for yourself?  Doesn't life give you enough without YOU putting more on top of yourself?  So my idea is to just...  distract.

Maybe this is smart and maybe it is not, I will ask later, but for now, I'm going to find other things besides my discomfort (I shouldn't call it pain, pain warrants doctor visits and shots and this current issue doesn't).  I don't draw a fraction of what I should be drawing, I do know that...  what better excuse to get my buns moving on it again?  My back hurts, great!  Pick up the pen and start doodling away until you have a pretty picture and/or don't feel your pain anymore.  My Photoshop editing room floor is filled up with pieces I'm coloring, need to color, have been meaning to color...  that would keep a backache quiet for quite some time were I to put my attention towards that.

I'm sure you intelligent ones are sitting here, graciously reading my revelations as if they were worthy of being printed in a medical journal, shaking your heads and saying, "well, Mandi, it's about time!"  And yes, it's about time.  I'm so exhausted of mentally and physically exhausting myself over discomfort, so.....  I'm not going to anymore.  I don't want it, I don't need it, why keep it?  It's like material excess I'm so neurotic about; if I don't use it, need it or want it, I give it away and get it out of my house.  Could I think of my pain as material excess that just needs to be tossed out of the body that's housing me?  Something to think of.  Or, rather, not think of, just do.

And granted, I do not have a lot of ideas on how to mentally cope; that's fine.  I'm trying, I'm researching online and I have an appointment with my psychiatrist coming up soon with the well known and much praised Dr. R. Cullen, and yes, that IS his name and NO, he's not a vampire and he will NOT adopt me.  But he says he'll go out in the parking lot with me on a sunny day after my treatment is complete and sparkle for me, which will probably just be me throwing glitter on him and shouting "YAY!  Sparkly Dr. Cullen!"  

Goodness, I did laugh a little at "Yay, sparkly Dr. C," and that felt good.  That kind of took away from the pain, and that's even more common sense than the stuff I talked about several windy paragraphs ago.  Maybe laughter is what I need to overcome this, and it might not be something limited to watching my favorite standup comedy DVDs (Lewis Black: Black On Broadway, if you want to know what DVD I watch when I need comfort), but keeping a sunnier disposish about the whole thing.  Find some kind of humor in it.  If you step back and look at life, isn't it funny?  Aren't WE funny?  Aren't the things that happen to us funny?  I figured this out not long ago while I prayed to God and thought to myself, "God has a sense of humor and I can prove it.  He walked His people all over creation in that damnedable desert and parked them in the one spot that didn't have oil."

And I don't care who you are, that's funny.  And if you didn't like that, I KNOW God has a sense of humor, look at my cousin Dougie!  If you don't know about my cousin Dougie, GOOD.  I don't want you to.  I'm ashamed I share a gene pool with this dude, but he's family, so that's that...  but he IS the living, breathing, walking ---  or rather stumbling and bumbling about ---  proof that God has a really awesome sense of humor.  I'm in luck!  I was banking on Him liking to laugh, too, otherwise I'd be in a lot of trouble, and when I went to Heaven and after two minutes when God said, "what are YOU doing here?!", I would go to Hell and say to Him, "I am going to Hell because you made me funny."

Want further proof God is funny?  Okay, watch this.  The Platypus.  He was making it and said, "Hmmm....  okay, let's take a beaver....  give it webbed feet like a duck...  it's a mammal, but it lays eggs!  'Splain that, Darwin!"

And even if I can't find something for me to laugh about, I want to make something for YOU to laugh about...  like that weird little blurb I just got over about oil, Dougie, the platypus and God's sense of humor.

With this, I'm outta here to go talk to Denise on AIM and settle down further and share my jokes with her that she so graciously laughs at, but is probably secretly rolling her eyes thinking, "I have the strangest girl on the planet."

Hallelujah, ya'll!

Mandi