Well, since Mark and Sean are out of the house and, as cruel as this is, out of my way, I'm spending today cleaning the house.

Sorry if you read that, dudes, all I meant was I can do this all on my own without really troubling you guys or rather, even ME getting in YOUR way.

Oh my goodness, first on the To Do list is LAUNDRY and LOTS OF IT.  I neglected it the week I was sick and now it has piled up exponentially that I barely have anything clean in my immediate possession.  I'm completely out of clean towels as of this morning, so those are a top priority, too.

I was hoping to clean the bathroom, which I did, and there's only now left to vacuum the floor and rug in there.  I love the smell of a clean house, especially a clean bathroom.  That is simply divine to me, like clean bedsheets, which also got washed --  they were the first thing in the wash load, actually -- because I can't stand sleeping in sheets that are 1) more than two weeks old and/or 2) that I have slept in while being sick.  Yeah, kind of neurotic, I know, but it is what it is and I am what I am, so I just accept it and since I have a free washer and dryer system downstairs, I use it to my advantage to have clean bedsheets constantly.

And for the record, two weeks of me using the same bedsheets is RARE.  Like rare white buffalo calf rare.  Sometimes, with this new system setup, I wash and change them once a week.  This is how brutally crazy I am regarding my bed.  Next time you see a white buffalo calf born and walking around, you'll know I went longer than two weeks without changing my bedsheets.

As well as peace and harmony coming to the world, of course, but it's going to herald my drop of bedsheet neuroticism, too.

I'd also ideally like to do some drawing today, for others as well as myself.  I'm on this real negative streak about my art, not being able to find much I like in it or even being able to define what I do in words.  So I've got this notion in my head that I should redraw some old pieces that I find myself looking at and saying, "Wow, I really didn't know this, that and the other back then," or whatever self depricating thing I can come up with.  (There are plenty).  Maybe if I redraw some of my older works and see my new skill sets I've picked up during my wanderings about the art world, maybe I'll feel better.

Or at least more productive.

I'm looking mostly at my Narnia work.  I was really happy at the times I was putting that out, and it remains one of my favorite fandoms and pairings.  (Queen Lucy/Tumnus, WHEN SHE IS AN ADULT.  Can't stress that enough.)  I know when I was doing Narnia art, I was really pleased at the time with what was coming out of my pencil.  I wasn't even sure I was directing it, rather some unseen forces were pushing the pen around the paper in such a way that it formed a picture that I ended up liking.  But I think now, knowing more structure and knowing there IS NO force out there that magically moves you pen or other drawing utensil about the page and creates stuff.  That was all me.

And I'd be served to remember that when I see something I like that I've done.  Yeah, it's not terribly often I see that, but sometimes I get brief moments of, "I really like this piece," mostly with my Show Me series right now.  A unique, cute pose will do it or the way I draw someone smiling, of which I realize I do too much of.  Too much "happy" art and not enough...  wait.  The heck's wrong with "too much happy art?"

Forget I said anything.

The one thing that makes me cling on to the love of my own (line)art is Jeri, ~JericcaJem89.  She colors my humble lineart and when I see what she's done, as arrogant as this is, I fall in love with my own art, but really, I'm falling in love with what SHE does to it.  She puts life into it like I can't, like no one else I know can.  Her works are so...  God, there aren't words!  Soulful?  Cartoony realistic?  Relateable?  I look at what she colors and the amazing things she puts into it and for a brief instant think, "you had a part in this."  It's so humbling and dizzying really that I have to sit down.

She makes me see that there is beauty in what I do.  Please forgive me for going on about myself, I do hate to be arrogant and rude, but she reminds me I have a talent...  no, rather, I don't.  No one has inherent talent; you don't just pick up a pencil and draw the Mona Lisa.  You practice.  And you practice A LOT.  And then one day, you find yourself slightly happy, then happier, then happier...  I'm getting there.  But it is with my deepest humility that I realize whatever I have artistically, I earned, and I earned by myself.  Teachers didn't teach me, I taught me.  I'm really nothing more than a girl whose ambition far exceeded any nonexistent inherent talent.  

But Jeri shows me that there is worth to what I do...  she reminds me every time she posts a fabulous, phenomenal color piece of my work or anyone else's.  It's seeing beauty again for a second time, but differently.  I notice things about my lineart after she colors them that I didn't know where there before, didn't think to see or put in there, yet somehow did.  She sees my work with different eyes than I do and then holds up a mirror for me; I never feel better about my art than when she is praising it, coloring it, or just plain having anything to do with it at all.  She is so talented with her color works and she picked, of all the greats on here she could have picked from, me.  Me...  humble little Mandi Pope who is still struggling with art concepts and trying so hard to push forward.  To say she graced me with her skills is not enough.  She's...  well, she's my best friend.

I never "met" Jeri.  She asked if she could color something and my heart said, "Oh, hey!  There you are, buddy!  I've been looking everywhere for you!"  I adore her, and the greatest thing is, she gets me.  She just gets me.  I don't have to explain myself, my thoughts, my art, nothing.  I'm not brilliant, but even I know that's a friendship and a spiritual love that doesn't come around every day.  She is my best friend; she is the smile on the Mona Lisa to me.  She makes the whole piece worth looking at simply doing what she does naturally; and besides being an amazing artist, she's an even better friend.

I love you, JerBear!  I can't wait for Baby Nessie to show up, and I'm working on art for her right now.  Take care of that baby, Preggo, 'cause I'm coming down to spoil her rotten in a few months!

Love,
Mandibear